I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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