Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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