I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
