you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever