...so i touched it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
