I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.