the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....