I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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