8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
