Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
