my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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