just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
