Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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