Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
