I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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