New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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