Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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