is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
