take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
