That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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