I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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