margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
