Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think my fart just growled at me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
