I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
