I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
