Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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