i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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