bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
