great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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