tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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