i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
