worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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