I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
