i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We had sex on a dog bed..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
