Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
