but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
