Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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