I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
