what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i barfeds in our rink
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
