i need an iv and a liver transplant
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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