So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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