I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
