no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
