I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
