You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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