i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
