Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
