I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
