I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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