I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
