The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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