I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
