im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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