You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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