all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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