dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
