I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He passed out mid-signature
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
