I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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