what day is it and did you see me today?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
