I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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