she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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