its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
