Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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