I hope mine doesn't look like that
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
