NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
