Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
