All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
