I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
