Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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