Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
