and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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