Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
