To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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