Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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