Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't turn off my feet"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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