PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
